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10 better alternatives to President Trump

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Being president of the United States is a difficult job, certainly, but Donald Trump is far from the best president. I think that’s something that can be objectively observed. But just who should have taken his place? Who could possibly have been a better president in this tumultuous time in our nation’s history? Well, look no further than this list of 10 people who would easily be a better president than Donald Trump.

  1. Hillary Clinton – Sure she’s a racist, warmongering capitalist, but that’s practically a requirement to be president. Moreover, Clinton has been in the political game for years and, as pandering and despicable as she is, she knows what she’s doing, and that’s more than we can say for Donald Trump.

  2. Beyoncé – Honestly, had she run for president she probably would’ve won. Beyoncé’s popularity is immense, and the Beyhive alone would have likely been enough to propel her into office. Her charisma, her social involvement and her overall incredible existence makes her far outmatch Trump both in and out of the office.

  3. Lemony Snicket – Author of “A Series of Unfortunate Events,” Snicket’s acerbic sense of humor and excellent prose is leagues ahead of Trump’s third grade level rhetoric. Additionally, given his sympathy for silenced people, Snicket would likely do a much better job addressing the issues of marginalized groups, a lovely contrast to the bans Trump has placed on human life.

  4. The Babadook – In addition to being the first openly LGBT+ president, the Babadook stands as a physical manifestation of grief and depression, as opposed to causing it in the populace. His agenda would concern effective healthcare and equal opportunity for citizens.

  5. Nancy – The titular character from Ernie Bushmiller’s newspaper comic, Nancy’s precocious and mischievous personality would be a nice change of pace in the White House, and just imagine those tweets.

  6. Sailor Moon – Not only did she repel several waves of evil forces, she also managed to befriend a significant portion of them and free them from their toxic tendencies, all while in middle school. Not only that, but given her background as Neo Queen Serenity of Crystal Tokyo, she already has more political background than Trump.

  7. Velma Dinkley – Smart, witty and problem-solving oriented, Velma is the brains of the Mystery Gang and a total lesbian icon. Her policies to improve the American education system and expose corrupt white men/monsters would be the breath of fresh air this nation needs.

  8. Astronaut Barbie – Sure she’s still standing like she has heels permanently attached to her feet, but this young woman believes in science and the power of women, which is more than can be said for our current pussy-grabbing, “global warming isn’t real” president.

  9. Lord Nermal – The cat that flips people off. Sure he’s brusque and a little uncouth, but he’s still more tactful than Trump. Low bar.

  10. A Half Empty Bottle of Poo Pourri – I’m fortunate enough to have never had to endure Trump’s presence, but anyone who has listened to him speak is aware of the crap that comes out of his mouth, and while it would simply be better for the crap to not be there in the first place, at least the Poo Pourri can cover it up.

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10 better alternatives to President Trump