Star-crossed lovers: recent NASA discovery infuriates zodiac devotees


Astrology Wheel 

Hailey Strader

First scientists decide Pluto’s not a planet, and now they want to change our zodiac signs?

NASA’s recent discovery of an additional zodiac sign has infuriated and baffled many. NASA attempted to casually release an article on their educational kid’s page “Space Place” about their new discovery, but the Internet took notice and freaked out.

Babylonians first determined zodiac signs by relating each sign to the stars that they were born under, according to the article. There were originally thirteen signs, but since their calendar revolved around twelve months, they left one out: Ophiuchus.

After 3000 years have passed, NASA explains that the Earth’s axis has shifted, meaning the North Pole isn’t positioned in the same way it used to. In turn, the constellations above us are different.

According to their newly updated column titled “Constellations and the Calendar,” NASA states “Besides the 12 familiar constellations of the zodiac, the sun is also aligned with Ophiuchus for about 18 days each year.”

Another strange fact about these new labelings is that the dates are doubled up. If you were born August 10th, suddenly you’re straddling two signs: Cancer and Leo. Does this mean these people get to choose? Are they both? These altered dates are baffling.

See for yourself what the star signs are now:

Capricorn: Jan 20 – Feb 16

Aquarius: Feb 16 – March 11

Pisces: March 11 – April 18

Aries: April 18 – May 13

Taurus: May 13 – June 21

Gemini: June 21 – July 20

Cancer: July 20 – Aug 10

Leo: Aug 10 – Sept 16

Virgo: Sept 16 – Oct 30

Libra: Oct 30 – Nov 23

Scorpio: Nov 23 – Nov 29

Ophiuchus: Nov 29 – Dec 17

Sagittarius: Dec 17 – Jan 20

Scary, right? I don’t know anything about Capricorn, but suddenly my identity as Aquarius is gone, left for the sign of a goat (which, as a Hilltopper, is not too bad, but still).

Looking up the traits of your ‘new’ sign is more than unsettling. It’s like the stars themselves have betrayed you. Being told your one thing your whole life and then suddenly changing is such a strange experience, and people are being vocal about it.

“I can relate to some of these traits, but they’re so general, couldn’t anyone?” Libra-turned-Virgo Gavin Quinn said.

Quinn says he brought it up during a club meeting and everyone was in an uproar for “a solid two minutes.”

But NASA spokesperson Dwayne Brown assures us that they have no concerns with changing our horoscopes.

“NASA studies astrology, not astronomy,” Brown said. “We didn’t change any zodiac signs, we just did the math.”

They claim to not have any part of astronomy, but by adding in this new star sign, Ophiuchus, they’ve completely changed the game.

Maybe the science behind astrology has proven that there are more than the traditional twelve, but zodiacs were never based in completely factual evidence anyways. Should we stay faithful to the traditional findings of the Babylonians or advance with the times and accept the modernity of our confusing fate?

I’ll admit, I’m not ready to switch my sign yet. I’m still a free-loving, spiritual, humanitarian of an Aquarius. Unlike how we read the stars, I don’t think I’ll ever change.