‘Brangelina’ splits; hopeful public left to collect pair’s iconic remains

I’ve recently crossed an item off my bucket list. And no, it’s not because my student loan debt has been forgiven. Rather, as of Sept. 15, any chance of my adoption into the Jolie-Pitt power family was destroyed.

The end of relationship goals, the end of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, the end of an era. It’s a shame too — I fancied myself to be lucky sibling number seven.

Power couple “Brangelina” first garnered public attention from their 2005 film “Mr. and Mrs. Smith.”

The same year Pitt split from “Friends” star Jennifer Aniston. In case you were wondering, there was no infidelity despite the rumors. That’s right, absolutely no infidelity what so ever… Hmm. But more on Aniston later.

Together for over a decade, Jolie and Pitt tied the knot in 2014 with a private wedding in France at Château Miraval.

Despite being together for what is basically the equivalent of half my life, the two decided to refrain from wedding until couples of all sexual orientations in the United States could wed.

Among them they share a sizeable basketball team — Maddox age 15, Pax age 12, Zahara age 11, Shiloh age 10 and twins Knox and Vivienne age 8.

When it comes to adopted children, they have a global collection going.

“This decision was made for the health of the family. [Angelina Jolie] will not be commenting, and asks that the family be given its privacy at this time.” Said Jolie’s lawyer.

Pitt too weighs in shortly after stating, “I am very saddened by this, but what matters most now is the well-being of our kids.”

Differences in parenting styles among other things was a dividing wedge.

With their separation, Jolie has filed for physical custody of all 6 children which leaves Pitt with visitation and joint legal custody.


If “Brangelina” couldn’t make it last more than two years with a ring, yet withstood a solid ten years without one- it means only one thing. Marriage is jank and there is no hope for any of us.

Just kidding.

What this really means (at least for me) is that there is a wealth of new meme material to be enjoyed, and in the words of a “Twilight” fanfiction, Twitter aims to please.

If you recall anything from the split of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt in 2005, a lot of fans were not happy and speculated Pitt left her for Jolie, but this has never been proven.

Instead, people have decided to once again drag Aniston back into the mix clamouring to get her opinion on the situation.

#Brangelina is not only trending, but twelve years later Twitter warriors are channeling their inner Rachel from “Friends” and proving petty never goes out of style — we’ll call this Jen’s revenge.

If only the violation of privacy ends there, but of course it doesn’t.

People just will not let the Pitt-Jolie situation be. What we need is a modern day Chris Coker, a blonde wig and a viral “Leave Brangelina Alone” crying video.

Although my personal interest doesn’t really extend beyond the gifs, the recent divorce has generated, it does bring me to question why I should care.

I shouldn’t.

As a self-proclaimed ‘chismosa’ (the Spanish equivalent for a Nosey Nellie) this feeds my desire for gossip.

However, Jolie and Pitt are like any other couple in which irreconcilable differences lead to divorce.

They may be inhumanly beautiful philanthropist superbeings, but the bottom line is that this divorce is a family matter and no amount of lamenting will change the fact that this doesn’t constitute as a crisis I can skip 9AM class over tomorrow.

No matter how much onlookers feel personally invested in their relationship, or any other celebrity’s life, it doesn’t matter because in no known-universe is it anyone else’s business except those involved.

If you can not get over the end of this relationship though, fear not.

There are still plenty of celebrity couples out there that warrant a cutesy name combo of their own.

No doubt, you can substitute those couples in your next Instagram #GoalsAF shoutout.

And in true Rachel Green fashion remember, “That, my friend, is what they call closure.”