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LIPGLOSS: Drew Barrymore Death Match

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LIPGLOSS: Drew Barrymore Death Match

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LIPGLOSS is a weekly dating and humor blog. Check back every Thursday for anything from restaurant reviews to dating advice to eclectic lists.

I wish my life this week was interesting enough to write about something other than two mediocre movies. It would have been nice to write about, you know, something that actually qualifies as dating on my blog that is supposedly about dating.

But it was not in the cards. With the ridiculous weather for the greater half of the week, plus the two days of being more or less iced in, I found myself returning to my weatherproof fount of romance and secondhand dating knowledge: romantic comedy DVDs.

I’m actually not a huge Drew Barrymore fan. It just so happened that two of the movies I watched during Austin’s Snowmageddon–”Music and Lyrics” and “He’s Just Not That Into You”–have her as a starring role. And I can’t figure out which one I like better.

Cue the Death Match, the most direct and accurate way to pick a clear winner from these two mid-tier romcoms.

ROUND ONE: Cast

“He’s Just Not That Into You” has three Jennifers: Aniston and Connelly, plus the weirdly-spelled Ginnifer Goodwyn . There’s also Ben Affleck and Bradley Cooper, even though Cooper’s character is kind of a jerk. Plus a bonus Justin Long, or, as I will forever refer to him, The Mac from the Mac vs. PC commercials. So that’s fun.

“Music and Lyrics” isn’t an ensemble cast, so the big attraction here is Hugh Grant with Drew Barrymore. There’s also the brother from “Everybody Loves Raymond.” But, like I said, I’m not a huge fan of Drew Barrymore, and I prefer my Hugh with a side of Sandra Bullock or as part of the masterful mosaic that is Love Actually.

“He’s Just Not That Into You” wins Round One.

ROUND TWO: Most memorable moment

In “Music and Lyrics,” it’s probably the scene (spoiler) where Drew Barrymore turns around in the aisle of the stadium to hear Hugh Grant singing a song about her to thousands of people. The lights, that Drew Barrymore close-up, that sweet sound of Hugh. Chills.

The most memorable part in “He’s Just Not That Into You” is without a doubt the part where Jennifer Connelly is talking about her cheating husband. I believe she’s wearing pigtails at the time. She wails, between desperate gasps, “We, NEVER, have, sex!” This is memorable, but for all the wrong reasons. That scene almost ruins the movie for me every time because it’s so ridiculous. Way to go, Jennifer #2.

“Music and Lyrics” wins Round Two.

ROUND THREE: Message

Alright, “Music and Lyrics” is a pretty basic romantic comedy message-wise: love can inspire, can help us move past bad experiences, it’s important to let people in, etc. The protagonists aren’t as typical as some other movie characters, but the message is the same. It’s definitely been done before, some might say ad nauseam.

“He’s Just Not That Into You” tries to mix it up, or at least it seems. Not every story line ends happily in this one, ranging from marriage to divorce to moving to India. And, as the title states, a big part of this movie attempts to be a wake-up call: as in, not every boy is magical and in love with you. But as Ginnifer Goodwyn’s character discovers this for herself, the movie often still subscribes to the same stupid double-standards that it’s trying to fight. Every single female character in this movie is always waiting for the man to call them, or email them, or ask them out. Sure, Jennifer #3 might learn to be more forceful and direct when it comes to the dating world, but she’s still repeatedly leaving her fate in a dude’s hands.

So even though “Music and Lyrics” is comparably simple and cliché, it does simple and cliché much better than “Into You” does complex and revolutionary.

“Music and Lyrics” wins Round Three.

That means “Music and Lyrics” takes home the gold. Or I guess the bronze, since neither of these movies are fantastic. Whatever. Sorry, Jennifers.

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LIPGLOSS: Drew Barrymore Death Match