This year, St. Patrick’s Day fell on a Friday. And it was freaking awful.

Four-sevenths of the time, it falls on good weekdays, proper days. Days where only the dedicated, true believers, show up to this abomination of a holiday that pretends to honor Irish heritage. A day, where, most importantly, not everyone can just show up — only people willing to take more than a single day off to truly and wholeheartedly celebrate.

This isn’t about drinking. This is about professionalism. This is about being honest with yourself. This is about believing.

Like Christmas and Easter Catholics, these part-time believers bring down the tone of the whole holiday. I don’t want everyone who can get off early on a Friday to be crowding my bars and streets, comfortable in the firm knowledge that their weak, inexperienced, amateurish little livers won’t be suffering at work tomorrow. They can go out, make green-tinted fools of themselves to their heart’s content, take up space as they swill their idiotically verdant light beer and distract the bartender from us true believers.

Like the Super Bowl, I believe that the entrance requirements to St. Patrick’s should be high enough to discourage the shiftless and unfaithful. At thousands of dollars a seat, the Super Bowl is only a viable option for those willing to go the distance, to make a real and lasting financial commitment. In much the same way, I believe that some sort of entrance exam or legacy admittance program should exist for the festivities of the day, possibly enforced by some sort of law enforcement writ.

I will admit, if pressed, that the amount of dogs I saw, some wearing very adorable and precious green bandanas, was sincerely gratifying. But I refuse to condone the presence of many people clearly lacking that sullen urge to keep joylessly drinking until blissful unconsciousness, no matter the threat to their health and well-being.

Marathons don’t allow just anyone to show up. There are rules, committees, numbers, officials, courses and legitimacy. Bandit runners are removed from the course, usually with some efficiency. Why isn’t St. Patrick’s the same? Its religious significance is long lost to us stateside. Why pretend it isn’t?

So let’s make this a holiday for professionals. Something to be celebrated by those who believe, those who live the message of St. Patrick’s with their actions every day; not the snakes who pretend to do so.