Marriage, an age-old tradition of a binding, lifetime covenant between two lovers. It’s a big deal.

Getting married comes with many traditions. One such tradition is taking your husband’s last name.

A recent scholarly article published in Gender Issues, a scientific journal, found that, among other things, 70 percent of Americans believe a woman should change her last name following a hetrosexual marriage, and roughly 50 percent of believe that the law should require her to do so.

Personally, I’d rather my to-be life partner, either take my last name or keep our respective surnames or find some other compromise. I’ll be damned if anybody expects me to sacrifice my heritage and family name in order to join in a “holy union.”

It’s abhorrent that, in 2017, any woman is expected to take her husband’s last name. It’s more abhorrent that half the population thinks a woman should be legally forced to give up her last name in the event she marries a man. Though given the current political climate, I’m not shocked this is what the public thinks of heterosexual marriage.

I get it, it’s a tradition. But you should realize that it is a tradition deeply rooted in patriarchal values. It is a tradition that comes from the idea that when a man takes a wife, her family is to pay him a dowry, essentially meaning that a wife is to be traded off. It is a tradition that comes from the concept that women and wives are property, and once you marry, all her legal rights, her property rights and her politics, are suddenly your property.

A woman is not property. She is not an object. She is a human being with the right to make decisions about her own body, her own relationships and her own existence. No other man or woman should dictate or legislate that. A man’s heritage must not have any more importance than his female counterpart’s.

Relationships must be on equal grounds. On top of that, being required or expected to take your husband’s last name reinforces gender roles. It reinforces the idea that men and women are meant to play specific parts in each others lives in determined way, without any wiggle room.  

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to insult millions of women who have taken their husband’s last name. Taking your husband’s last name doesn’t have to reinforce gender roles and patriarchal values. I’m attacking the concept that it must be codified or required in order for a marriage to be valid and acceptable.

It should be a choice you make with your partner. Women in heterosexual relationships shouldn’t have to automatically default to the hetero norm. Predetermined socialized gender roles don’t have to apply to you simply because you’re in a heterosexual relationship. Besides, isn’t love more lovely when you make decisions as a couple?

So, if you’re a woman and you marry a man and want to take his last name, please, feel free to do so. I do not condemn you for making that choice — if it’s a choice.

If you’re a man and you marry a woman, also feel free to take her last name. Feel free to hyphenate, combine, swap or whatever you and your partner’s heart desires.  Make the choice on how you combine your two lives. Choose how you express your love, but don’t expect or enforce others to make the same choice.