LIPGLOSS: What we can learn from Dan Bilzerian


I love positive role models, and positivity in general. I really do. I try to dwell on things that are awesome, not things that suck and/or make me disgruntled with humanity.

But every once in a while, I need a little negative reinforcement to remind me of what matters out there in the big, wide dating world and beyond.

Enter Dan Bilzerian.

Dubbed “the most interesting man on Instagram,” Bilzerian rose to sort-of stardom by posting photos that could almost be stills from “The Wolf of Wall Street:” Huge houses, ritzy watches, ridiculous guns (the weapon kind, not the arms kind, his arms are just okay), and thralls of attractive women hanging on said arms. The photos usually include Bilzerian himself as well, grinning with the same intensity whether he’s standing next to a shiny new car or a shiny new lady friend.

It should almost go without saying that, behind all the bikinis and extravagance, Bilzerian is kind of a scumbag.

I’ll say it anyway, though. Bilzerian is kind of a scumbag. 

In a recent interview with Complex, Bilzerian opened up about the collection of thoughts inside his luxe lil’ head. 

A weird amount of the interview is about his facial hair. Once the interview got past this, it consisted of Bilzerian making some gross and weirdly specific statements about women:

I care about how they look for sure. But I’d take a chick who goes to the gym all the time and has a good body over a chick who covers it up well with good clothes.”

Huh. Alright. So:

1) Look good; he cares about it.

2) Go to the gym though, all the time.

3) Don’t buy good clothes.

“[…] any chick can look good in the winter, with a bunch of [expletive] fashionable clothes on. You know what I’m saying? It’s like, make a bathing suit look good, that’s my thing.” 

Hear him, ladies? Forget all your “fashionable [expletive] clothes.” Throw ’em in the garbage, I say. We have to show them what we’re really made of. BIKINI TIME!!! THAT’S HIS THING!!!

When it comes to his own style, though, he can do whatever he wants, because he’s a dude, and also friggin’ Dan Bilzerian:

“A lot of people wear clothes trying to impress chicks, and I’m gettin’ chicks anyways… I’ve never seen a chick [expletive] a guy ‘cause of his clothes.” 

It is important to note that Bilzerian’s  “personal uniform” is T-shirts, camo pants, and almost-cowboy boots.

Camo pants.

A man wearing camo pants is telling me how to present myself.

Camo pants.

The lesson here? Do not date anyone who shares more than, like, two characteristics with this Dan Bilzerian. If he uses money to exempt himself from the basic responsibilities of being a decent human, or if he only appreciates women during the summer (literally, what), then bye.

This is very important to me. In fact, I made a pledge:

I, LIPGLOSS, refuse to be Instagram fodder. I will never allow a man to see me the same way he sees some platinum cufflinks or a custom-engraved shotgun. If a man does not like my cute chunky winter sweaters or cozy jackets, then that is his dumb little problem. And I will never, ever, ever take fashion or life advice from a civilian in camo pants.

The end.