Ryan Lochte has taken a pasting. In the final days of the 2016 Summer Olympics, he was furiously lambasted in the press and in the public for his role in publicizing his alleged robbery and mugging, which later turned out to be blatantly false.

Perhaps more alarmingly, he’s not been made mock of for his stupid hair, stupid name, or stupid catchphrase, which would, to me, indicate a better grasp of the public’s priorities.

Especially since Ryan Lochte was the most American thing about the Summer Olympics this year. Not Michael Phelps winning his umpteenth medal, not Simone Biles being ferociously inspiring and unnervingly gymnastic, not Katie Ledecky powering herself to devastating victory, fueled by the souls of the defeated in her wake. Ryan stupid-hair-dye Lochte.

He shows up in a foreign country, abruptly fails to adapt to local custom, wins some of what he’s doing, commits some crime or another, lies about it, runs home before anyone can hold him accountable, offers an insincere apology, and still has enough acclaim to be invited on to a game show.

Game show? Is Dancing with the Stars a game show? Reality TV? I really do not know.

Ryan Lochte is the most accurate representation possible of our foreign policy. We shouldn’t be making him apologize.

We shouldn’t be giving money to Brazil for their alleged charges. We shouldn’t be ashamed of his conduct as a nation. We should be making him the Secretary of State.

I really think there’s something to be said for this.

I mean, look at our splashy adventures in overseas ‘diplomacy’ in recent years! Full of missteps and apologies, vaguely illegal activities perpetrated by our government abroad (and at home!) covered up or not reported on or blatantly lied about.

And when it all goes pancake-shaped, what do we do? We get out of the country as fast as we can. Sure, we’re grudgingly back in some of them, years later, but believe me, no one wanted to be back in Iraq.

No. We shouldn’t be flaying Lochte in the press. We should be electing him. With no training, with nothing other than his nerve and his instincts, he flawlessly executed a Middle East Withdrawal maneuver. We’ve tried for years to land that with such panache. He did it, first time, 10.0, and stuck the landing.

He did the crime, but was he going to do the time? Absolutely not. He was out of the country before anyone even realized that they should probably arrest him! He’s a natural; a prodigy, even. As a country, we have much to gain from his wise counsel, especially in the area of foreign policy.

Lochte already won a gold medal for America. But with talents like this, I think he could go much further: taking our country into a bright new future of glorious mistakes and graceful accidents.

I’m predicting it now: Lochte 2020, folks.