Kim Jong-Un’s one-haircut law will simplify lives, end anarchy

Until this year, North Korean men have been offered just 10 selections for their hairstyle, but according to unconfirmed reports, the country may have introduced a new policy. Kim Jong-Un apparently decided that 10 options for a haircut is a bit too generous and may inspire anarchic and capitalistic behavior. Therefore, he limited male hairstyle options to just one possible cut: the “Dear Leader Kim Jong Un.”

WantChinaTimes has compared the “Dear Leader Kim Jong Un” cut to the hairstyle of teenage Pearl Jam fans in the 1990s. It is comprised of long hair protruding from the top of the head with buzzed sideburns. 

Kim’s reasoning for this policy is perfectly logical: North Korean men with the previous slightly varied 10 clean hairstyles resemble an anarchist society far more than a country full of grungy ’90s teen look-a-likes. 

Kim’s new law is obviously necessary and important. Limiting the choice to one haircut eliminates the need of spending hours of deliberation in front of the mirror.

The new hairstyle law will also greatly benefit hairdressers in North Korea. Previously, their job was very difficult, as they had to perfect a ridiculous amount of cutting styles for male hair: 10. Men could choose to leave their hair longer in the front, on top, or in the back. Today, once hairdressers have perfected the “Dear Leader Kim Jong Un,” they are qualified to cut any man’s hair. 

The duration of North Korean beauty school has probably been dramatically shortened and is now most likely far less complex. Hairdressing might soon rise to become a coveted occupation in North Korea.

Kim Jong-Un should extend his haircut requirement to North Korean women as well, who are offered 18 different hairstyles. It is unfair that women in North Korea should have to waste their time choosing a hairstyle. 

Before the options changed for males, women were already burdened with eight more choices than men, an obviously unnecessary complication in their lives. One can only hope, for the sake of all women in North Korea that Kim’s wife will agree and convince him to extend this policy to females.

North Korea’s haircut restriction should be an inspiration to America. In fact, President Barack Obama should propose something like Kim’s policy in the United States. It should be a priority. Americans need a policy like this.

All Americans should imitate Obama’s hairstyle on their heads. Doing this would promote patriotism. It would unify the country. It would de-emphasize polarizing differences. A unifying factor in American society is necessary for progress. Kim Jong-Un may just have discovered the secret to perfecting a country.

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