In the upcoming year of 2012, the American people will be faced with a question: President Who? This question can easily be answered Socratically–that is to say, by asking another question: Doctor Who?

It’s true that the Doctor is not a natural born American citizen. Truth be told, he’s not even human, but a flash of psychic paper can soon clear that up. Having lived for over nine hundred years, the Doctor has more experience than even the oldest members of Congress. At the same time, his youthful energy and natural charisma will keep the nation positive and will increase overall interest in politics. As for foreign relations, the Doctor has saved countless lives across the universe, so it is safe to say that he is on fairly good terms with many life forms.

Of course, he has accrued several enemies over time (Daleks, Cybermen and the Weeping Angels, to name a few). Nevertheless, the Doctor never condones the use of guns (River Song, I’m looking at you) and will do everything in his power to avoid violence. Unlike other presidential candidates, the Doctor has no need for a running mate. In the unlikely event that one of his enemies actually manages to kill him, the Doctor will simply regenerate into his own vice president.

As a tried-and-true judge of character, the Doctor’s cabinet would be comprised of the most brilliant people ever to mistake their own importance. The Doctor belongs to no political party, and he wouldn’t care whether Republicans or Democrats had the majority in Congress, for his skills of persuasion have nothing to do with bribes, promotions and party loyalties. Whether he is using the LBJ style of intimidation or his own special brand of bravado, every point he makes is a stab of cold, hard logic delivered with undeniable authority. He commands attention like no other.

The Doctor knows how to use media to his advantage and has even been known to save the planet using nothing more than a cell phone. That being said, he is not known for being a big spender. In fact, the TARDIS has provided him with everything that he has needed to survive for over 900 years. With the economy the way it is, who wouldn’t vote for the candidate whose slogan read, “The Doctor, improving life all over the universe without spending a dime”?

Most importantly, the Doctor would not be hindered by the desire to acquire and retain votes. The Doctor is a Time Lord; he literally lords over time. He could be dictator of the universe if he wanted to, so President of the United States is not really a step up in any sense. The Doctor should be the next president simply because he is the only candidate in existence who does not desire the power to dominate others.

For those of you reading this article and are scratching your heads, here is my point: those who are most qualified to rule are too wise to want to. So when the 2012 elections roll around, beware of the fools too eager to take the crown.