The political structure of the 21st century is doomed. Republicans choose to see Democrats as a roadblock to their precious oil and as people who wipe their bums with pine cones because it’s more “sustainable.”

Conversely, Democrats choose to see the Republican candidates as uneducated, religiously inclined, power-hungry schmucks. It’s a battle of good versus evil with no middle ground, and everyone seems to think that their side is the good one.

What our political system lacks is someone to create this middle ground, someone to bring us together. We need a president who can bring us together with pure coolness and nonchalance. We need The Big Lebowski’s The Dude.

The Dude would be the perfect president because he would never make premeditated decisions. Every decision would be a sudden one, maybe even a poorly made one, and this would be beneficial to the nation as a whole because it would keep both parties on their toes. Protests would cease to exist. Causes would become obsolete.

All arguments against the president’s political actions would cease because there would be nothing to argue over anymore. The Dude would sleep in the pelt of a Californian Condor and at the same time drive a Prius. No one would know what move The Dude would make next, thus making him the perfect candidate for president. Peace would inevitably be restored between the two relentless parties.

Parties —yes. The Dude would hold many parties. Not parties of the ass or elephant sort, but parties with music and guacamole and those Tostitos that are shaped as little scoops (because those are the party kind). As president, The Dude would encourage complete hedonism, drinking White Russians, and bowling down the streets. Bowling balls would dance elegantly down highways like Natalie Portman in “Black Swan,” and the only things you could buy at the grocery store would be vodka and coffee liqueur.

Everyone would own a gun and people would be at liberty to blackmail you for excessive amounts of money at any given time. Strange women would ask you to impregnate them and maybe, later, while on an evening stroll, you might even receive a little mouthful of deceased-friend-ash due to an errant breeze.

There is even a church of Dudeism dedicated to the ideals of taking it easy and going with the flow, so there’s already a group of voters willing to cast their ballots for The Dude. As President, The Dude would restore our country into the happy, carefree nation we were meant to be.